Play that funky music, daydream believer.

I’m in a funk. A deep funk.

Not the kind of music funk.

But a funk (of sorts).

I’m feeling incapable of everyday tasks.

The alarm clock rings and I rise, wipe the sleep out of my eyes…

And I then debate rolling over and skipping school. In this week alone, I had three exams, two tests, and a lab report due. Sleep was optional. I’m so busy this semester, and there’s been no breaks for me in the constant stream of life since last year. I’m serious, and if you wanted to have nice chat with me, I can schedule you for next… How does two-thousand never sound? This has probably been my first “free” night in weeks, where I can just sit around in my pajamas and stare at a blank screen with that stupid flashy line thing that all my letters come out of on the screen. Plus, to make matters worse, this stress has greatly inhibited my creative juices. I’ve been stuck in this funk since July. I can’t seem to write anything that doesn’t have to be turned in, graded, or homework recently. My mind is so focused on school-mode, I can’t seem to turn it off and just write for myself. I’m always too busy or too stressed. And when I’m not one or the other, I can’t think of a single thing to write about.

So here it is.

Me putting my foot down.

From now on, regardless of what my imagination (or lack thereof) says, I will be projectile vomiting words onto the world wide web as much as I possible can. And this is not a promise (because I can guarantee I’ll break it), but I want to start writing again. I need to get my brain-dead writing out there, so someday, I might be a not-so-brain-dead writer (one can only hope…).

So anyway… Hopefully you guys (if anyone still reads this blog) will see more of me in the coming months, or weeks. Perhaps only a few days… Who knows?

-Geeky Zelda Girl

 

(P.S. I also got published recently in a college arts magazine. So that’s a thing.)

(P.S.S. Oh, and I join the journalism club at my school, so I’ll have to start writing something more than lab reports and essays eventually.)

(P.P.S. Did you know the third president of the America, Thomas Jefferson, was one of the first people to use this weird “p.s.” thing?)

(P.P.P.S. Check wikipedia. It never lies.)

(P.P.P.P.S. That is all.)

He said, She said.

Before:

He told me I was beautiful.

He told me I was sweet.

He told me he loved me,

And I believed it.

 

He asked me out.

He asked me to prom.

He asked me to marry him,

And I said “yes.”

 

He said, ” I love you.”

He said, ” I’ll protect you.”

He said, ” I’ll never hurt you,”

And we said,”I do.”

 

Then:

I told him everything was fine.

I told him I loved him.

I told him I would do anything for him,

And he believed me.

 

So:

He told me grab him a beer.

He told me to make dinner.

He told me to clean the house,

And I obeyed.

 

But then:

He told me my mistakes.

He told me I was stupid and a screw up.

He told me I wasn’t worth it,

And I believed it.

 

He made me feel pathetic.

He made me feel incompetent.

He made me hate myself,

And I let him.

 

I told him I was leaving.

Silence.

He told me no.

He told me to stay.

He told me he’d change.

I left anyway.

 

I told the kids we were going to grandma’s for awhile.

I told myself it was the right thing to do,

but the neighbors still stared,

wondering what he could’ve possibly done to deserve this.

I told myself he wasn’t going to change,

And I believed it.

 

Now:

I tell myself, though I’ll never stop loving the man who told me I was beautiful and sweet,

I can’t love the man who told me I was stupid and wasn’t worth it.

My heart has a harder time than my head trying to reconcile this idea.

But now, I can tell myself I’m beautiful.

I can tell myself I’m strong and independent.

I can tell myself I’m worth it,

And I’m starting to believe it.

-Geeky Zelda Girl

Whether The Weather Likes It or Not.

We all remember that moment

when we abandon the safety of shore

and set sail on the seven seas

aboard our own unstoppable vessel;

her sails, majestic, her bow, exquisite.

Together at the helm, we sail to another realm.

 

To start with, we’re invincible and unsinkable.

Nothing can touch us.

Little leak? “Little duct tape.”

Sudden creak? “Turn the other cheek.”

We’re weather-proof.

 

We float on a cloud, light as a feather,

’til the sudden “plink” of a raindrop.

Odd. It seems to want to tell me something,

but it’s lost to the whispers of the sea.

It’s raining, but it’s okay;

we’re weather-proof.

 

A little while later,

the cracks become greater.

The tape won’t stick.

The facade doesn’t hold.

The ice cold raindrops break through our haze

like the cold barrel of a gun.

Lightning streaks the sky; The thunder rumbles.

We grasp for anything tangible

and hope we can swim.

 

Inch by inch, the waters rise.

The waves grow; The wind attacks,

and then, the seemingly endless barrage.

We fight to escape, we fight for freedom,

We fight to survive.

We’re weathering, whether we like it or not.

 

Slowly, the cloud tears begin to dry

and all that remains is a soft trickle of raindrops

whispering their sweet nonsense.

 

This is what the raindrops whispered

in their all too silent voices against the cacophony of ocean:

 

Whether we’re weathered or weather-proof,

we’re better whenever we’re together.

For when we’re together, it doesn’t matter if we are weathered,

as long as our love lasts forever.

 

And now,

We are weathered.

The paint has chipped.

The cracks are worn.

But we haven’t given up.

 

Sure, the stormy seas tried to sink us

with the weight of the world,

but at the brink of destruction,

we discovered the glue and weathered the storm,

whether the weather liked it or not.

 

-Geeky Zelda Girl

 

Spoiler Alert: Everybody dies.

I stood in the shower for about 30 minutes before coming up with this one.

I then proceeded to realize that, in doing so, I hadn’t posted a second blog in April as promised, because it was after midnight when I got out of the shower, making it now May.

Shortly after that, I realized it’s April somewhere in the world.

So here I am trying to crank out my “paper” that was due yesterday.

I want to talk about the end.

No, not that “the end.” (Ominous music plays, lightning strikes, thunder crashes, and the zombies invade.)

The end.

Society’s idea of an ending.

Does it even exist? Is there actually such a thing as an ending?

It’s a cultural taboo to spoil the ending. But what if there is no such thing as an ending?

Everything seems too definite to say ending but unfortunately, there are only a handful of ways things can work out in the end, with only slight variations.

The guy gets the girl. The guy doesnt’t get the girl. The bad guys lose. The good guys lose.

There only so much one can do to surprise when try to “create” an ending.

And yet, somehow, every time I watch the latest action film or romantic comedy, I end up on the edge of my seat, wondering what happens next.

In the very end though, after the film stops and the costumes are put away, everything reaches its end.

Perhaps the idea of a story’s end is all an avoidance of accepting the inevitability of our own endings.

We want to live in an immortal state, freezing life on the joyous moments and never letting go. But all good things must come to an end.

Because, Spoiler Alert: Everybody dies.

And so we wonder, what is our final moment? What is the outcome? How does our “movie” end?

I guess my question is: Why do long for an ending? Why do we want things to resolve? What makes us humans so concerned with fictional tales that we live on the edge of our seats wondering what will happen?

And perhaps, this is all a subconscious idea of our longing to know our own endings. We wonder how we go, who misses us, what we leave behind, what we take with us to our graves, but I guess we’ll never know. And maybe that’s okay.

I don’t want to spoil the ending.

-Geeky Zelda Girl

(P.S. I know this is kinda scatter-brained, it’s my specialty, but I apologize for trying to talk about three different topics at once. Perhaps someday, I shall expand on all three ideas. Someday. ‘Til then, this is just some stuff to think about.)

Washed up.

I always seem to think of my most brilliant ideas when I’m in the shower.

I hop in the shower and put on my thinking cap.

First, while lathering the shampoo into my tangled mess I call hair, I relax and let my day drift away.

As I rinse out my fruity shampoo, my mind wanders and I might start to think about a particular topic or idea, or perhaps I recall a comment or question posed earlier in the day.

Then, the ideas take off. I could talk about this and how it affects that. Maybe I could mention this and reiterate this. And I mustn’t forget to mention that. Obviously.

By the time I’ve rinsed out the conditioner, I could write a novel.

But in the moment I reach for the towel, suddenly I can’t recall that one line I thought would be perfect. And that analogy I thought I wouldn’t forget has somehow left me.

As I step out of the tub, it vanishes completely.

I can’t even tell you what I was pondering for the past half hour.

All I’m left with is a wet towel, clean hair, and a magical bathtub.

Oh, well.

In the end, it all gets washed up.

-Geeky Zelda Girl

I’m late to my own party.

Okay, so March flew by. I mean, one day it’s March 31st and the next, get this, is April 1st.

Shocking, right?

Surprise!

So, I had a post planned for Valentine’s Day and it was really great.

But it never got finished and now I’m stuck, so I’ve decided to write about my 16th birthday which was a couple weeks ago on Feb. 17. Surprise!

Yes, I’m now 16 years old. Mind-boggling!

So anyway to really properly tell you about my birthday, I must start a little in advance.

Also, read with a small dose of my usual sarcasm.

Since January, I’d been talking with my sister and getting excited about my birthday, I mean, really excited. I would finally be sixteen. Suddenly, people wouldn’t think I was sooo young. I would get the respect I deserved. (Don’t judge, I was disillusioned by the grandiose-ness of the “Sweet Sixteen.”) But as February 17 drew closer, not even my family seemed to match my enthusiasm. It felt like my birthday had been forgotten. I had been forgotten.

On Feb. 16, I thought I’d just give up on the idea of an amazing, awesome birthday. I hadn’t planned a birthday party, my older sister had to work and my best friend hadn’t even mentioned my birthday. I was just sad. Looking back now, I realize it’s stupid to assume the world would stop for my 16th birthday, but nevertheless, I was 15 and naive.

So going to bed with a heavy heart, I thought “Tomorrow, I’m gonna have the best day ever, even if I just get pizza with my family for my birthday.”

FEB 17: The big day

I woke up at 8 and got ready for school. I took extra care getting ready. I did my hair and my makeup (a rare occurance) and I picked out a great outfit. Then, I went to school. Yippee.

At school, my first class actually went pretty good for me, especially considering it’s mostly class discussion, and I suck at group anything. Then, my other class for the day was Choir and as soon as I walked into the classroom, two of my friends shouted “Happy Birthday” to me. It was a sweet moment and I started to think maybe it’s okay that my birthday isn’t the center of the universe. As long as the people that matter care, you don’t have to have the biggest birthday celebration ever. Shortly, following that, the choir sang “Happy Birthday” for me. I felt so grateful.

After I was done at school, my mom picked me up and got me a Shamrock shake from McDonald’s. Now, if you’ve never had a Shamrock shake, go get one now.

I’ll wait.

Pretty good huh?

I’d say that’s one of the best birthday gifts around.

Then, I went home and just hung out around the house ’til around 3. Then, I went to lunch with my grandma and then, headed back home. Around this point, I’d resigned myself to pizza with my family and a little cake in celebration. So around 7 o’clock, my mom, my sister and I headed into town to eat at my favorite pizza restaurant.

As we were pulling up to the building, I noticed a lot of cars outside, and I started to get concerned that they’d be really busy. I just hate crowds. So after parking the car and walking to the door, I prepared to be bombarded with the wall of sound that typically follows a busy pizzeria.

I was pleasantly surprised to realize that the pizzeria was full alright. Full of my grandparents, my aunt, my best friend and her family, my older sister, and my dad. I was shocked. After 24 hours of thinking my birthday had been brushed under the rug, this happened. I was so amazed. I felt truly loved. (And slightly annoyed that my younger sister hadn’t told me to dress better!) It was so sweet.

After I overcame my shock, I took a seat next to my best friend and my younger sister and I enjoyed a night of pizza, presents, friends and family. I’ve never been more grateful in my life. I was so blessed!

Then, it was time to head home, where I proceeded to take a nice, calming bath and then, went to bed.

It was an amazing 16th birthday, and I was so blessed by all these lovely people. I’m so grateful that I have such amazing people who care about me.

Overall, I had an amazing birthday and even better, pizza.

So yeah.

I’m sixteen. Wow.

-Geeky Zelda Girl

Update: I’m a liar.

So… It’s not valentine’s day… You know, the day that I promised this great blog post…

Oops.

SOOOO… As I am a perputally late person in general, Valentine’s has not yet come in my mind. In fact, in my mind, Valentine’s day isn’t for another few days. So anyway, a new awesome blog post is coming sometime this week, but Valentine’s Day was very busy for me so just, like, two more days and then you’ll get an actual post from me…

Sorry! Happy Late Valentine’s Day!

-Geeky Zelda Girl

An epiphany in biology.

Okay, so I’m sticking to my promise.

Here I am. Writing a blog.

SOOOOOOOOO. Yeah, I’m working on it, but anyway, I have a great post planned for Valentine’s, but otherwise… I have no clue where I’m going with this so I guess I’ll talk a little bit about my day.

I had a great day.

I got up early.

I got to classes on time. (A rarity for me!)

And I’ve now survived the first week of my second semester as a college student.

Pretty good day, right?

It was all going swell ’til I went to my biology lab class.

Then, it all hit the fan.

The change I wish to be.

So, today, I’m going to address the elephant in the room about my absence as of late, then, I’ll do an actual philosophical post about 2015.

Have you ever had that moment when at the end of the day you accomplished so much and yet, nothing at all?

You could be SuperWoman (Or SuperMan!) and save the world, twice, yet, at the end of the day feel empty.

That’s kinda how I’ve felt about this blog. For a while after I started it, I tried to stay on top of it, posting every week or two. Then, school started and I was busy with theatre and music things and I guess my blog became less of a priority. I got so caught up with this other stuff that when I tried to come back to my blog, I just felt like I was baiting you guys every time I said I’d return and I’m sorry. I was really stuck when came to writing recently. But as this 2015 comes to a close, I plan to change some things up.

As of January 1st, 2016, I plan to blog at least once a month.

I know that’s not a major commitment to some people, but to me, it is. Also, though, to keep me on track, if by the end of the month, I haven’t posted, feel free to go comment-crazy and give me a kick-in-the-proverbial-writing-butt. Comment on all my posts and tell me how awful of a person I am. I’m sure I’ll appreciate. Someday.

And now, onto more important matters.

2016.

In exactly a minute from when this post is published, It will be a new year, but for now, let’s talk about this year.

2015.

From the attacks in Paris to a plethora of shootings around the world, this year’s definitely hit us hard. This year has faced many tragedies and yet, still bounced back. We bounced back. The whole world. When all these horrendous things have knocked us around, we’ve fought back. And that’s something we should celebrate as this year comes to a close. We shouldn’t think about the horrors that have befallen 2015, but instead be proud of the way the world got right back up and went to bat. 2015 has been a year of fighting back. I hope that 2016 is a year of peace.

2015 has, also, been a year of discrimination. Be for skin color, religion, body type, social class, sexual orientation, or disability, this year has seen its fair share of discrimination. Instead of building each other up, as we are so willing to do in times of need (as I mentioned in the paragraph above!), when it comes to the day-to-day, we need to be harsh and discriminatory, shutting people out for their beliefs or skin color. You all realize that we humans all happen to be human, right? Just because they may look different or view the world differently than you, doesn’t make them any less human. 2015 has been a year of some equality but mostly discrimination. Next year should be a year of all equality and no discrimination.

Now, I know after reading the past two paragraphs, those cynics out there are probably thinking, “What the heck is she talking about? Equality and Peace? Impossible!” but I’m hopeful. All it takes is one person to change the world. Maybe, that person is you. Or maybe, you aren’t meant to change the whole world, but someone’s world.

Reflecting back, as this year reaches its end, so many sacrifices have been made, thoughts have gone unvoiced, dreams have been abandoned and our own self-imposed prophecies (resolutions) have been ruined this year. But, also, we shouldn’t forget how many prayers have been answered and triumphs have come, or how many hopes and dreams have been fulfilled, and the number of friends that have been made.

Now, back to the future…

2016.

As this year ends and a new one begins, the world joins together. To celebrate. To reflect. To hope.

My New Year’s resolution is to be purposeful, slow down, enjoy the little things, be hopeful, love life and make the world better. Even if it’s just a little slice of someone else’s world.

Happy New Year’s.

-Geeky Zelda Girl

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

-Gandhi